New Year, New Me January 6, 2010

Peace be with you world. So I know I haven’t posted anything in a loooooong time, but I now have access to internet and i’m going to try to update this weekly.

I have offcially been in NY for a year now, so I figured my first posting would be on the anniversary of my move here. Last year was such a hard, yet life changing year for me. I’ve been thru so much and have learned so much. I know (and pray) that 2010 will bring bigger and better things for me. It’s a new year for the world, a new year for me (i’m a january baby) and time for the newness.

FINANCIAL

So moving from your parents’ house to your own place (much less states away) will force you to get your finances together. If you don’t, you’ll be in the world of trouble, or really broke and back at mom’s and dad’s. Being on my own has made me realize how much money I wasted while I was living at home. I had a good paying job, and didn’t have to worry about paying for rent, or food. Just car note, insurance, and cell phone. I could’ve easily paid off my bills, but I chose not to. But it’s ok. I’ve learned my lesson, and in-sha Allah (if G-d wills) i’ll have them all paid off in 2010 (except student loans of course). During this past year, I have seriously struggled. I admit i’ve eaten peanut butter for lunch and dinner. Not because I was broke, but because I still wasn’t managing my money and after paying for rent and other bills, I was broke until the next paycheck. But no more of that. I’ve completely redone my budget so I understand it better. I’ve paid off two of my four bills within a matter of months (YES!!!). I’m on my way to financial stability. I’m working on building up my credit, because eventually I’d like to buy a house with my husband one day. No i’m not engaged. Which brings me to my next point:

RELATIONSHIPS

Two months into living here, I met a brotha who at first, I thought wouldn’t matter, but our relationship grew into more than that. For the first time, I fell in love with someone. I mean, we talked about having kids, traveling, going back to Detroit to meet my family, marriage, all the workings. I met his family, friends, told my family and friends about him. I thought he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We broke up for a minute, got back together, and then all of a sudden he just cuts me off. No phone calls, no voicemails, no “happy b-day” wishes nothing. So I guess you can say he broke up with me without actually telling me lol. Everything happens for a reason, and I guess we just weren’t meant to be, but it HURTS LIKE HELL. I admit, I got my heart broken. Even while I’m typing this, i’m fighting back tears. But I’ve learned from this relationship. I’ve learned alot about myself as well as interracting with the opposite sex. And even though the way it ended hurts the most, I still don’t regret any of it. I’m am grateful to G-d to have met him. Even if he did hurt me, i’ve learned from the relationship. And even though we may not be meant to be together (which hurts like HELL), there was a reason that G-d brought him into my life. And I’m truly thankful he did. Because I’ve come out of it with much more than I thought I would.

So that means that i’m back to the drawing board. Back to looking for my unicorn. I think that makes this break-up even harder. Especially when so many of my friends are married and my best friend is getting married. One starts thinking “hey? what about me? when will my turn come?” Being the single friend sucks!!! And i’m sick of it. But I have to be patient. Even though I just turned 26 and my clock is ticking, i’m still patient. We plan, and G-d plans. Surely, G-d is the best of planners.

INDEPENDENCE

I’ve always been fairly independent, but this year has been completely different. I’ve always done what I’ve wanted, and never cared what people thought, but now, not only do I still not care, but I don’t have to worry about it because there isn’t anyone here lol!! Aww, the beauty of moving away from home.

So what’s in store for 2010? In-sha Allah nothing but greatness. I only gave myself one resolution for 2009. That was to move to NY and Al-hamdulilah (Praise be to G-d) that has happened and I’ve been here for a year. So what about 2010? What will be my resolution for this year? I’ve decided to give myself a few and to accomplish them all.

1. Get financially stable

Like I said above, I want to improve my credit so I can buy a house in the future. I already have a plan set up to pay off my bills. That should be done in a few months. Financial stability here I come!

2. Get back into school

My goal is to start school in April. That was one of the main reasons for me moving to NY. Time to get up on it.

3. Get into the nearest gym

Most people say “Oh I wanna lose 20 pounds” and whatnot. But I know me, and I know if I set that type of goal for myself, it won’t happen. Why? Well in order to lose weight you need to workout, which I don’t. So how can I say i’ma lose weight if I don’t do what’s needed. Once I get into the actual workout, then I can set more goals for myself. But for now, I just need to get started.

4. Improve my relationship skills

Hard to do when you’re single right? Wrong. Remember, this wasn’t just some flemsy thing. Those of you who know me know that I don’t do the”open relationship/just chillin” type thing. And while I may be single, I can look back at the relationship and evaluate my end of it. Now in the “what did I do wrong” sense of thnigs, because I didn’t do anything wrong, but in the “what can I do to make sure my next relationship is the best relationship”. I want to work on being the best woman I can be. I’m a very independent woman, as many woman are nowadays, but sometime we have to learn to be ladies and let gentlemen be gentlemen. I want to better myself, because then that will better my (future) relationship.

Suggested reading:Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment by Steve Harvey

5. Get involved

Back in Detroit, I was what you may call a social butterfly. I mean I was busy all the time, but in a good way. I enjoyed it. During 2009, I was just trying to adjust to living on my own, but now that I been here for a year, it’s time to get comfy. The is NY of all places, there’s always something to do. It’s time for me to get back into the community and start working.

6. Regulary update this blog

Yeah I know I’ve said that before, but since I have a laptop now, I can update it for really real lol. I wanna try to do it every Sunday. I just chose to update it on a wednesday since that is the anniversary of my move.

I’m so excitied about 2010!! I think this will be an amazing year for me. 2009 was difficult, but surely with difficulty comes ease.

Reflecting on the past, preparing for the future......

Stay tuned for another moment in the life………………………..

The “N” word July 7, 2009

So while I’ve been in NY I’ve noticed that EVERYBODY uses the N-word.  Now I know that other races have been saying nigga for sometime now, but I haven’t heard so many people say it before. I guess me coming from segregated Detroit to a more culturalized New York makes hearing that word from a non-african american so commonly a little surprising. My questions is this, everyone is calling everyone a nigga nowadays, but what about the nigga mentality?  Have we forgotten about that? Being loud in pubic for no reason. Buying rims for your car when you and your babies have no food. Acting like damn fools and embarrassing your race. Ya’ll know what I mean. But for some reason, no one wants to think about that. Now me personally I don’t use the word unless it’s needed. If you act like a nigga, I might call you a nigga. That doesn’t mean I get all up tight each time I hear the word either. I understand that the word will never go away. The problem isn’t the word anymore, it’s the mentality. Kudos for NAACP burying the word, but how about the thought process that comes with it?

Long Live the King Of Pop June 26, 2009

Michael Jackson

August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009

Phoenix Rising March 14, 2009

So, this move to NY has been a very challenging experience and I find myself growing and learning things about myself. I like to think of myself as a Phoenix Rising. For those of you who don’t know what that is, the Phoenix is a mythical bird that supposedly lives 500 to 1,000 years. At the end of it’s life,  it builds itself a nest, then ignites and burns to complete ashes. After that a new Phoenix is born reborn lives as long as its old self.

 So how does this apply to me? Well, I wouldn’t say I’m dying inside, but I feel as if a different part of myself that I didn’t know or didn’t let out is now emerging. It was struggle to go to wake up in your parents’ home and then that same night go to sleep in a whole other state. I am a tad bit home sick, but I’m learning to stand on my own completely, and that’s part of the new me being born from the ashes of my. I’m doing everything for myself. Making my own decisions for me, answering to no one, and dammit it feels good.

 

Stay tuned for another moment in the life…………………

Life as New Yorker…. March 4, 2009

So far so good. I’m blessed with 2 jobs, not in school yet, but I’m getting there and…i’m contemplating even reading some poetry….in front of people (GASP!!) Basically, this is a growing experience for me. I think this song sums it up:

 

Stay tuned for another moment in the life……………

I ain’t dead….. January 28, 2009

So I know I haven’t posted in at least a month. Well my internet access is very limited since I moved to NEW YORK!!! Yep, I’m in the Big Apple. I’m trying to get settled here. I’ve been blessed to have my P/T Detroit job transfer here, because the economy is really bad, and jobs are scarce. Or it’s not that they are scarce, but instead of maybe 20 people applying for one position it’s more like 200 lol. No really, it’s that bad. But considering I’ve been here less than a month and have a job all ready, I consider that a blessing. Just hoping this 2nd job comes through. Then I’ll really be able to enjoy NY!!

I’m working on getting a laptop. Then I’ll be able to blog more often. Until then…

 

Stay tuned for another moment in the life……………….

New Year, New Chapter January 7, 2009

OK, so I haven’t been posting like I should. Sorry, i’ve been busy……MOVING TO NY!!! That’s right, tomorrow (wednesday) morning, I will be embarking on a new chapter of my life. Moving to NY and going back to school. Almost like starting over. I admit I’m nervous, but this is something that I need to do. I began to feel trapped just working here, not doing anything I really enjoy. So since I’m moving, that means my access to a computer will be limited until I get a new laptop. Just keep me in your prayers please.

Stay tuned for another moment in the life…………….

RIP Eartha Kitt December 28, 2008

Been a long time…… December 16, 2008

Yeah so, I know I’ve been neglecting my blog. It wasn’t intentional. I’ve been working a whole lot. I was up for 36hrs straight from Saturday Night to Sunday Night, and I’m still tired from that lol. So what’s been keeping me sane? This right here:

 

 

Stay tuned for another moment in the life………….

World AIDS Day December 1, 2008

So today is World AIDS Day and I encourage everyone, especially African-American Women to learn as much as they can about this disease. It runs rampant through our community and we don’t even know it. Please take the time out to visit the World AIDS Day Campaign Website as well as other and educate yourself.

Below is a note that a friend of mine posted on Facebook. I thought it was very interesting and heartfelt. It’s kinda long though.

My cousin was 33 years old when he closed his chapter on the fight for HIV/AIDS.

No…correction…he was 33 years young.

A man too young to close his eyes, too young to not see his own child grow up and become a man, too young to not take a trip around the world or to pay his last mortgage on his first home, or to sit out the backyard with me drinking beer and sharing a Newport (when I smoked, of course, LOL).

Thirty three years old is much too young. Much too young. Especially when it could have been prevented.

This was no blood transfusion, or medical accident that caused him to find himself with what many individuals ignorantly and callously call “The Package.” I was 15…he was 18….we ran the same circles, looking for the same foolishness. He got caught out there…I didn’t. I could give God praise for that, but I’d feel guilty because we did the same thing at the same time.

Somehow…I didn’t get popped.

I miss my cousin. I love him…I loved him. I never loved a man the way I loved my cousin…not even my own Daddy, not even my husband. Only Jesus could come closer than that, LOL. I remember having a crush on him as a child and my parents sitting me down telling me that I can’t like him like that because we’re cousins. Who knows about that stuff at 6 years old? But I made the connection and we were best friends ever since. I gave him my Matchbox Cars and all of my Comic Book collections (from as far back as 1978). He had them until he died…his son has them now.

The first time I ever got drunk…he gave the drink to me. The first time I ever smoked…he passed the Newport to my lips. The first time I knew how dangerous I was, he put me D (after punching his best friend in the face for trying to make a pass at me). the first time I knew how cool it was to be an intelligent beautiful black woman, he shared that to me. I loved hip-hop and house parties because of my cousin. I loved hanging around family from hanging around him.

And sadly…that’s all gone from me.

Tomorrow’s World AIDS day….and I wont wear the red ribbon on the outside. That’s so clique to me right now…putting on the ribbon or wearing Red, when everyday is World AIDS Day, because everyday I think about my cousin. I still send him e-mail to an account he’s never answering, but he used to. I still haven’t removed his name from my IM Buddy list, because I hope that one day he will log on and we pick up on hiking on each other. And I know he’s present with the Lord (he got saved as a result of this experience) but I miss is physical being. Being able to sit on the couch and be held by him while watching TV…playing with his kids and card games on Thanksgiving.

So I won’t wear the ribbon on the outside…because since I got the news of his contraction back in the fall of 1996, I wore the ribbon tightly around my heart and I stayed a strong love and longing for my cousin, that they find a cure, that he not gets too sick, that we all can grow old together. But he had to leave me…sooner that I imagined but all according the will of God. I miss my dear sweet cousin, and implore those who can to please live responsibly so that somebody won’t lament over you they way I’m lamenting over the love I lost.

Please if you are sexually active –we all know what The Bible says on that, or any other Religious Text for that matter. If you decide to make a grown up decision, then be mature about it. Just because he/she…looks clean, or have a decent job, or makes great money with benefits, does not mean they cant carry a virus. Rev. Rae Lewis Thornton shared at a NSBE conference how she only dated and became sexually active with 6-figure men, Lawyers, Engineers and the like. Well, one of those well to do 6 figure salary holders gave her HIV and she now lives with AIDS.

Please if you are choosing multiple partners, know you are causing for yourself a multiple risk of infection, disease and a shortened life span. Ask yourself (and if this were me I’d do this as well as a personal inventory) why do you need so many partners at one time? What is missing from your life that you can not find fulfillment with one partner for the rest of your life? Why can’t you date casually and platonically until you find the right one to settle down with? What are you so afraid of? We live in an age were sex is available and encouraged as often as eating Breakfast in the morning (because it’s the most important meal of the day, LOL) but we keep our lips tight on the casualties of sex…free love and just simply free balling all day long with different mens and them…I know, pot calling the kettle what? I understand your confusion, but we must be careful if we choose not to be good.

Please if you are thinking only about HIV/AIDS from a national context, please consider the GLOBAL implications of this pandemic, as well as the fact that MORE WOMEN OF COLOR DIE FROM THIS DISEASE THAN ANY OTHER GROUP. That Dominican Sex Worker, that South African Servant, that Indian Mother of 3…all of them are possible suspects and casualties of abuse, rape, oppression and total submission of themselves to their partners. We must encourage the end of violence, global violence against women through the varied uses (sex included). We must end the silence on behalf of the rest of the world.

Please if you know of someone who lives with the disease…resepect them with the love and respect God grants us daily. They should live a life in dignity and not surrounded by fear. You are not living with HIV/AIDS, they are, so stop stressing them out! For as much as I wanted to help my cousin, I couldn not help him being afraid to sit next to him or sharing a bite of a sandwich (which I did and I’m still negative years later). Love your loved one…that love will keep them strong and have them live longer than you know.

Finally…I’m not meaning to ramble, but if you choose to wear your ribbon on tomorrow, please don’t ever take it off, but keep it tied to your heart as a reminder of a loved one out there who depends on your life for their survival and on your choice to ensure them a happier future in knowing you will be around to grow old together with.

Be blessed…rest well…rest right.

-NinaJai

PS….Mann…I miss you and love you and cant wait to find you in Heaven just to kiss you and hold you. I pray God granted you eternal peace.(1972-2005)

Stay tuned for another moment in the life……………………